


touched, loved

by silentassassin21



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Femslash, Like, Like really angsty, Lots of allusions to sex but no actual sex, Song: Strangers (Halsey ft. Lauren Jauregui), au i guess??, but they're still in high school in beacon hills, other people are mentioned or appear briefly but malia and lydia are the main characters, there's no werewolves or anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-13 22:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11770134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentassassin21/pseuds/silentassassin21
Summary: said that we're not loverswe're just strangerswith the same damn hunger





	touched, loved

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in ages but I was listening to hfk and got hella inspired to write femslash, so I'm starting a new series of femslash one-shots inspired by wlw songs. All the one-shots will be unrelated unless stated otherwise and it'll be from heaps of different fandoms.
> 
> I would highly recommend listening to the song that inspired this fic while you read it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3hjpNuvapQ

_she doesn't kiss me on the mouth anymore_

Every time Lydia leaned forward, her lips millimetres from the brunette's above her, Malia would tilt her head and press her face into Lydia's throat. Lydia's lips would find Malia's neck, jaw, hair, anywhere but her lips.

It wasn't always that way; a few months ago Malia spent most of their alone time attacking Lydia's lips until they were red and swollen. But then, over time, Malia kissed her less and less until it suddenly stopped. She still pressed her lips to Lydia's skin, her throat, her hips, her thighs, but never her lips.

 

_she doesn't look me in the eyes anymore_

Lydia felt the urge to tilt Malia's head up, just an inch or so, but knew that Malia would instantly look away if she did. It had been weeks since Lydia had held eye contact with the other girl and she missed it. She missed looking into the dark eyes, getting lost in them. She liked to think that Malia missed her eyes, too, but every time she thought that she mentally slapped herself.

There had been a few occasions when, lost in pleasure, Malia's eyes had caught Lydia's for a brief moment. Even if it was only for a second, Lydia relished those small moments, those times when she got to discover another shade of brown lingering in her eyes.

 

_when i wake up all alone_

It wasn't a secret that Lydia craved human touch. Everyone had known it ever since she was young and would cling to anyone she could get to. She was the same as a teenager; at lunch she could be found in the library with her friends, sitting on Scott's lap or with her head on Kira's shoulder or linking her fingers with Stiles.

Malia had never had an issue with it before, was fine with the pressing against each other and casual legs thrown over bodies. Eventually, though, she started drawing away from the touches. If Lydia sat close to her when they hung out as a group, Malia would shift an inch the other way. If Lydia tried to rest any part of her body on Malia's in study sessions, Malia always found a reason to get up and leave.

Despite that, Lydia still craved the casual touches. When she woke up in bed with Allison at a sleepover she thought, for a few seconds, how much she wished her best friend was Malia.

 

_she doesn't call me on the phone anymore_

The song on the radio changed and Lydia immediately found herself fumbling with her phone. She couldn't help the way her heart sank when she realised that it wasn't an incoming phone call. Only one person in her phone had the soft, lovely song as a ringtone.

She hadn't heard the song come from her phone in weeks, despite that when the number was first put in she would hear it a few times a day, at least.

 

_i must've crossed a line, i must've lost my mind_

It was her fault, Lydia was sure of it. She had done something wrong that had made Malia look at her differently, touch her differently, act differently. She couldn't think of what it was that she had done but she knew it was her fault.

She hadn't realised how much it had affected the way she acted around everyone, cautious of things she could do wrong, until Scott asked her if she was okay when she sat on an armchair as far away from the group as she could get while still being included. She told him she was fine and just had a headache.

Even after that, she still kept a safe distance from everyone, just in case.

 

_i miss the mornings with you laying in my bed_

It had once been that, whenever the group had a sleepover at someone's house, Malia and Lydia would share a bed, a couch, a rug, anything. They would curl up together and smile at each other in the early morning.

Then Malia started choosing to sleep with Kira or Stiles, curling herself around them instead, and Lydia would lie beside Isaac, careful to not touch him. It hurt in a way she couldn't explain to look over the room and see Malia's face buried in Kira's dark hair while she laid on her back beside someone who wasn't the brunette girl.

 

_i miss the memories replaying in my head_

As much as Lydia hated remembering the way that Malia had once looked at her, she hated it even more when she stopped remembering with the clarity she once had. Instead of clearly seeing Malia smiling at her in chemistry, it was replaced with the blurry scene of Malia smiling in an unidentifiable room.

Soon even that faded.

 

_i miss the thought of a forever, you and me_

Lydia remembered herself at age six, looking across the park while sitting on a bench with her mum, and thinking "I'm going to marry her when I get older" while looking at Mal playing in the sandpit with Jackson and Stiles. Both boys were crying, Stiles because Jackson had said something mean and Jackson because he had made Stiles cry, and Mal was hugging both of them.

She planted sloppy kisses on both their cheeks, causing both boys to laugh and shout " _Gross!_ " Lydia smiled at the girl and felt a warmth seep through her body.

 

_we're not lovers_

The first time it happened, Malia made a point to say that it was just a one-off thing, it was just sex, there were no feelings. Lydia had immediately agreed, even though every fibre of her being told her to protest the girls' words.

All the times after that, Lydia grew more and more hopeful. Malia had already broken the one-off rule, maybe she would break the others. Lydia scolded herself for being so delusional but a small part of her still whispered that maybe it was true.

 

_we're just strangers_

No one could know, no one was allowed to know the deep ways that Lydia knew Malia and vice versa. It was a secret that Lydia could barely stand to keep but she would for the sake of the girl she loved.

Everyone had to think that they were just friends; barely friends, even. Friends of friends. Allison was Lydia's best friend, Stiles was Malia's. They were just part of the same friend group. Nothing else.

 

_with the same damn hunger_

Sometimes, when they were alone, Lydia thought she would die right then and there. And she knew that if she did die it would be a happy death, one with no regrets. If she died with Malia's teeth on her throat, legs twisted around hers, hands touching everywhere, she would be forever happy.

She liked to think that Malia would die happy doing the same thing. But she didn't think it was the truth.

 

_to feel anything at all_

Every time, without fault, when Lydia looked at Malia, she could feel her heart leap in her chest. Her nerves would light up, butterflies would start flapping her stomach, heat would pool in her body, and she became somewhat incoherent.

It had been that way for as long as she could remember, looking at the girl and becoming flustered. She was so pretty, and brave, and smart, and her smile looked like it could light up the whole damn world.

 

_you lost it_

The car drove away, the driver not looking back. Lydia stood in between Allison and Jackson, her hand grasping Allison's and Jackson's arm thrown over her shoulder. Some part of her thought that maybe, just maybe, they both knew how she felt. They knew that with every metre the car drove away, her heart cracked just that little bit more.

Everything became blurry and she hastily blinked her eyes, willing her tears to leave. But they didn't and she felt one escape. It was immediately wiped away by the boy beside her who she swore whispered that it was okay.

It wasn't okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in Legal Studies instead of writing my essay so there's a chance it's probably shit but idgaf. If you have any suggestions for future wlw pairing and/or wlw songs please comment them. 
> 
> I hope you liked this highkey angst-fest. Please kudos and leave comments if you enjoyed it :)


End file.
